tinyPterodactyl

There is a person in my department who cares not one whit whether anyone else thinks he's nice. This isn't deployed as an excuse to behave assholeishly - rather, it seems like an effort of economization, one where likeability lost out to whatever other three hundred things are more important. I know his partner rather better, and she's a delightful person, so I'm betting that he's got some specifically likeable qualities (I suppose that's a rather generous conjecture - again anecdotally, I know loads of lovely people with awful taste in partners, so... grain of salt, applied!) that don't come across in his quotidian interactions. If there is indeed something different about general likeability versus specific likeability... I think I probably waste too much time on behaviors designed to perpetuate an impression of niceness. I hope that I'm likeable in specific ways, or at least that those people who matter to me also find my continued presence in their...

I've kept many diaries; some of them were gorgeously wrapped things, all of them were purchased or procured in a near-fevered fashion, for I was certain that having the right tool would naturally lead to getting the right words down. The impulse was there, always. But it was clouded, because any words I wrote down were always with some unknown reader in mind, some fantasy other who marveled at my wit, or creativity, or candor. None of these books were filled, to my memory. Quarter-filled notebooks full of overmediated yuck. I remember a self who used to love to write, but I can't actually seem to access that self - so I wonder if that was a bit of a fiction, too. Or perhaps the retelling has muddied things. Anyway. I'm going to try to write to write, not write to be read. I mean, the ultimate goal is to be read, of course, but I think I need to practice the messaging-as-such. The writerly is one of the ways that I need to connect, so feeling so very disconnected from th...

... of that fake German that sits as the subtitle for this whatever-this-is, I've been working on divestment. On lightening up. (I have to remind myself to do things like this fairly often; it's apparently my lifelong lesson, which means I have to learn it over and over again. Or practice the realizations that I had at some point prior.) So, this means looking at many different aspects of my life and asking simple/hard questions. What have I been saving that has outlived any potential for its use? What have I been holding on to "just in case..."?  Do I have expectations (of myself, of life, of whatever) that I have outgrown? That are holding me back? That are no longer relevant? What habits need to be broken? Begun?  Where do I waste? Where could I save? Where should I expend or give more? This process is physical and psychical in perhaps equal measure. I've thus far been bravest in the realm of stuff - much has been donated, some has been tossed, so...

Sweet goodies A* and I have a long history of making sweets as gifts; every season, we've stayed up far, far too late and made a wide variety of skill-testing treats, and this is a practice that we also included when we planned our wedding in February of 2010. This year, we made less of a variety than usual, but definitely found at least one keeper recipe (all of them are good, but the apple cider caramels are amazingly simple and have a short, great list of ingredients). Apple Cider Caramels I don't think that Deb Perelman has ever been wrong about anything kitchen-wise. While I often tweak her recipes (I tend to want more spice than she does), this one is perfect as-is, though also delicious, I discovered quite by forgetful accident, even with the cinnamon and salt omitted. We have access to some lovely unpasteurized apple cider here in WNY, but even if you have to use the kind you find at the supermarket, these are tangy and delicious. And it is nice to b...

Textiles The best thing about the things that I made for Luka is that he's quite aware that they were handmade, and whenever playing with or wearing said item, likes to say "Mama made it." This is adorable, and makes the making worth it, if that makes any sense. Play silks These took a lot of time but not a particular lot of work, and I'm very happy with the results. I found 35" square plain white china silks online, and used some Procion dye that I've had around for ages, and created a rainbow selection for the kid. The process is simple, and sort of meditative, and only smelly during those last ten minutes. I used some stuff that I had in my stash from ages ago, but would be up for experimenting with more natural dyes, too, just need to read more about non-poisonous fixatives for them. These steps will work well for any fiber reactive dye, for wool or for silk (though you'll want to agitate at a minimum for the wool, so as to prevent...

Body Products I made three types of body products, and I'll probably never spend $ at Lush again since I've learned how to make wonderful stuff at home. (Also, this way, I was able to control my own inputs, which allowed me to NOT include some weird chemical stuff that they happen to use.) Bath bombs I made three types of bath bombs: one for kiddos (calming, colored and/or sparkly); one for sore muscles and relaxation; and one initially designed for some pregnant friends of mine, but that also work well for anyone who is trying to heal a wound, plagued by hemorrhoids, or prone to bouts of elevated blood pressure. The basic recipe is simple: 2 parts baking soda 1 part citric acid 1 part either: corn starch (good for the skin) or Epsom salts (great for sore muscles, stress, blood pressure issues) The calming ones for kids included corn starch, as well as organic lavender essential oil and chamomile tea leaves. I made some of them pink and sparkly (and also ...

We ended up making about 85% of our presents for others this year. This was a bit nerve-wracking (I always spend a lot of time in the planning phase, and then still end up staying up late for days on end making sure that everything gets done; I am not great at the incremental steps that could alleviate this issue) but for the most part, I'm really happy with the results. I thought I would share the range of items here, since I benefited from the willingness of others to share their own ideas. The purposes of these projects were twofold: First, I love the "spirit" of the holidays but I absolutely hate the consumerism and the ... weird sense of guilt that wanting to be generous but nearly always being too poor that seems to go with the season. Choosing to give in to that guilt is a bit like being a Scrooge with myself - so I needed something, a practice, to get me out of that mindset. Second, I've spent this year getting rid of debt (still not done but so, so much...