In the middle of one of those fall-shaped vortices of nostalgia, which is its own kind of blankness or ability to grasp whatever my real is like right now. I swear late October/early November must have been ... something to me in the past, because this recurrence is maddening. I want the insight-key to unlock this pattern. Anyway. I deep-dove into old blogs I used to care enough to bookmark, and found a veritable graveyard. I find that I want to move so far away from the faceb**k & twi**er-verses but also that I need some sort of way to connect to others, but I've let all of those old muscles and connections wither. (Though, also, to be fair - to beeeee faaaaaaaaaiiiir - the people I like the most aren't on any of those already. They're also more reclusive than anyone else I might want to spend time with, as I generally refuse to be egotistical enough to worry that they're just avoiding me.) I need to reestablish new rhythms, but of course this isn't just about ...
In a fit of nostalgia, I went past-blog diving; in an abandoned Livejournal, I found a past-year wrapup that mentioned favorite movies watched that year. One of them that was mentioned, I have absolutely no recall of ever watching. There's just a ... blank spot, not even marginal awareness of what the film might be about. Of course I'm about to look this up, but for the moment, I remain ignorant, and both bewildered and unsurprised that something I apparently found so impactful apparently evaporated in the neural ether. Things I listened to today: Maren Morris, Girl and Hero alike Ingrid Andress, Lady Like Luke Dick, Red Dog first 2 songs ("Polyester" and "Blazer") - finally might get to watch the documentary tonight too! Things I keep re-reading: Rachel Blau DuPlessis, "Draft 72: Nanifesto" Today, what strikes me is: "Meditate air threads in angles of light. / Consider the mite, the mote, the mute."
Comments
Post a Comment